When Innocence Died

Dear Diary,

 It's funny how I can't remember how I got there or how I left but everything else seems like it happened yesterday. The pain and nausea still rushes my body as a wave crashing upon a statue made of sand. I can see the old rope swing that I could only climb up about 5 feet and I can see the path through the kudzu that I always thought was Poison Ivy so I would run through it. There was the rusty abandoned chicken coup that used to be our war prison when we played Cowboys and Indians. Oh the simple life of a 4 year old... He was 18 I think or maybe older.... I know that this time my journey into the magical woods behind my Aunts house was different. I ran down the kudzu path and walked out with my head lowered in shame and for the first time Poison Ivy didn't seem to bother me. Something broke inside of me that day. I felt ashamed and dirty. For the first time in my life I didn't feel safe. I didn't tell a soul because I was told that I did something bad and i would be in trouble but the scariest part was the threat of being harmed. Life continued and I stood still. Later on I visited the house again and this time I was spending the night. I remember being so scared and my breath speeding up so fast it felt like i couldn't get a good breath. During the day I was surrounded by drugs because my uncle had been selling... He later died from a heart attack alone in the bathroom. That night I was sent to sleep in my cousin's room. That night I don't remember as well... i guess blocked out most of it... i just remember crying and asking to go back to my parents because I had a stomach ache. At least that's what I told my Aunt and she said to wait until the morning. The next morning I was silent as we drove back to my Grandma's house and i was silent about all that happened for a while to come. I think it's weird how my mind could block out some of the events that took place but my heart still feels the pain. Then came the day we moved to Virginia so my parents could go to Missionary Learning Center because they felt God calling them to Brazil. Ah.... this was my first escape.......