What Happened?

Dear Diary,

Days went by and life had changed. I wasn't even hitting puberty yet and I was all messed up inside. The trauma of abuse and then my friend killing himself!!! That was alot to take in.... On top of that it was time to go to the Ukraine. It was a long journey to Kiev. I should have known it was going to be bad when we boarded a prop plane that looked like it had been built by the wright brothers! We landed in Kiev and my gut hurt.... Going to our apartment I noticed it was nothing like the pictures my parents had shown me. There was no real sunshine and I didn't see the cheerful kids skipping in the streets. All of the buildings looked the same and they looked dark. I found out real quick that finding a coke was impossible and we were lucky to find some diet pepsi. Our apartment was really not livable. The bathroom was... I won't even mention. We had to boil water 3 or 4 times to even get it close to drinking it. My parents and I basicly shared a bedroom and they had to sleep on a futon while we were there. I HATED IT!!!!!!!!! I realized that it wasn't a vacation anymore.... I was homesick... not for the U.S. but for my home in Brazil. I really had no friends in Kiev. The other missionaries that lived there drove me insane!!! It's amazing how much my heart aches just remembering that place. I just sat for about 5 minutes staring at these screen trying to remember all that happened while we were in Kiev and it was a battle because I really wanted to block it out. There was a missionary there with his mother who I really liked but I didn't get to hang out with him that much but he seemed like a cool guy. I cried alot.... my parents and I cried alot. I begged God to let me go back to Brazil. I begged my parents to go back to Brazil. I ended up in the futon with them on several occasions. We were in Kiev for training and we were supposed to live in L'viv. The came when we boarded the train to head to L'viv. Just as the plane warned me the train was not a good sign of things to come. As the train rolled on I felt as if I were on a one way track and with every mile another part of my soul was dying. What happened?