Living Out A Beatles Song

Dear Diary,

Wow.... I am really sorry for not writing for a while but life has been a little crazy lately... A good crazy... God is showing up in ways I can't begin to describe right now. Besides, this is the sad part of my history blog things. Where was why? Oh yeah, I left my home in Brazil and spent time in the U.S. with my sister and grandparents before my parents and other sister would arrive and then we would continue to the Ukraine. My grandparents neighbor and I became really good friends. It was that summer when my Uncle took my friend and I out to hang out in Oklahoma. When we landed and my dad picked me up he informed me that my friend had committed suicide. It was my first run in with suicide. I remember that "Fields Of Gold" was huge at that time and the video made me sick for some reason. At the funeral home I stared at his face for what seemed like hours and there was a shiny glitter like think under his eye which I kept thinking was a tear. I kept waiting for him to breathe. He was my friend and the brother of my grandparents neighbor who had become one of my best friends. Actually, she was a crush of sorts and here she was in shock. I walked around outside talking to her but what do you say? I was pissed! I was sad! I can't explain what I felt inside really. I kept getting flashback's of when he was alive and he came around. He had a tough life. His mom and dad had divorced so he and his sister had a piece of crap stepfather who loved to get drunk and then beat the crap out of him. When he was 13 they sent him away to a boys farm facility kind of thing because he was "unruly." YA THINK?!? I would be unruly to if my sister and mom were getting the crap beat out of them. I used to ride my grandpa's four-wheeler down behind there house and one day I saw my friend who I will call Nathan come running up our back yard. He threw up all over the back patio and asked for a phone so he could call his grandmother. He said his stepdad had just punched him in the stomach. I ran inside and grabbed the phone and gave it to him. I could here his stepdad yelling from the back porch of his house. I ran back inside our place looking for my grandpa and when he wasn't there I looked for his gun. Right about that time my granddad pulled up and told us both to get in the house and we waited inside until Nathan's grandmother picked him up. That was the last time I saw him alive. He took his entire bottle of anti-depressant's one night while he was at the farm. He told another boy he was going to take the pills that night and then he wrote a note. He expected the boy to tell on him and then maybe his mom would rescue him and leave her deadbeat husband and life would be good again. But help never came and he is gone forever.... As I type this I still feel the sting of hurt that I felt that day. I still go to his grave almost every time I go back to Mississippi to visit family. I found a picture his mom gave me just the other day and I could hear that haunting song begin

" Many years have passed since those summer days
Among the fields of barley
See the children run as the sun goes down
Among the fields of gold
You'll remember me when the west wind moves
Upon the fields of barley
You can tell the sun in his jealous sky
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold
When we walked in the fields of gold " - Sting